I've just returned from a memorial service for a 20 year old who was killed in a horrible, fiery car accident, along with her boyfriend, and another couple, who were their best friends. Our church was filled, standing room only. There were people of all ages and races and sexual orientations and a million other differences, yet we were all united by our love for this young woman, Caitlin Lee.
Parents are not supposed to bury their children. Her parents adored her, as did everyone who knew her. She was their only child. I made me recall that, were it not for a miscarriage, I would have a child her age, whose birthday would have been this month. I wanted to have children "one day", but was consciously using birth control pills at the time, because I knew I didn't want to have children with the man I was married to at the time. I later learned that I'm infertile, that that pregnancy was just a "lucky" chance.
Over the years I soothed myself with the knowledge that, because I didn't have children, I had a much freer life than someone who did. But that didn't really quell my desire to be a mother. I've always loved children, probably because I'm the oldest of four. My youngest sister is 7 years young, and she is the one of us who has had the most complex life. She is a recovering alcoholic, 1 year sober this month. She also has three kids, ages 10, 4, and 3. She's lost primary custody of her children because she attempted, and nearly succeeded at, suicide last June. Her ex is abusive (go figure) and is not someone she can be around safely. She is currently unemployed, though about to start college again to obtain a degree in something that will enable her to make some kind of a decent living for herself, and, hopefully, regain primary physical custody. In the meantime, though, she's riding the Greyhound up here tomorrow, about a 10 hour drive or a bit longer, I think. She arrives at 11pm, so I will have to go down to pick her up. Then, she and I will travel up to a midway point between my place and his (about 300 miles or so) to pick up the children from her friend, who happens to be the one he gets to keep the kids all the time. Then, we'll turn around and drive back to my house, where they'll stay for the week, I guess.
Don't get me wrong -- just seeing the children is well worth it -- but this will be the first time I've seen my sister since her sobriety began. I will have to sanitize the house, for MY sake, not hers. Then I will need to childproof. And then go buy groceries for them, and the list goes on.
But on the other hand, my little sister could have succeeded in taking herself permanently out of the picture last year, so I'm trying to view this all with gratitude for having the opportunity to do this for her, and for me.
Tell the people you love how you feel, as often as you have the opportunity. Tomorrow is in no way guaranteed.
Sunday, August 3, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
Shooting in church
Most of you are probably aware of the news story about the gunman who entered a Unitarian church in Knoxville, TN yesterday and began shooting, killing two people and injuring about seven others. Well that church is of the same denomination as the one that I belong to. So this is a big story for me, and for many of my friends. Tonight they had a special service, and there will be another special service Wednesday. Our minister, who is off during the month of July, is returning early in order to preside over this service, and the one on Sunday. Like I said, this is a big deal.
I have frequently wished our denomination received more press...that people would get to know us better. Maybe my wish has come true, though in a way I would not have chosen myself. I believe we have a unique opportunity here to show the world how we live our commitments. It's easy to hate someone who causes pain to others, and makes people afraid to be in the very place that will bring them the greatest degree of comfort. But our challenge now is to our principles. What are our principles, you ask? They are as follows:
I have frequently wished our denomination received more press...that people would get to know us better. Maybe my wish has come true, though in a way I would not have chosen myself. I believe we have a unique opportunity here to show the world how we live our commitments. It's easy to hate someone who causes pain to others, and makes people afraid to be in the very place that will bring them the greatest degree of comfort. But our challenge now is to our principles. What are our principles, you ask? They are as follows:
There are seven principles which Unitarian Universalist congregations affirm and promote:
- The inherent worth and dignity of every person;
- Justice, equity and compassion in human relations;
- Acceptance of one another and encouragement to spiritual growth in our congregations;
- A free and responsible search for truth and meaning;
- The right of conscience and the use of the democratic process within our congregations and in society at large;
- The goal of world community with peace, liberty, and justice for all;
- Respect for the interdependent web of all existence of which we are a part.
Friday, July 11, 2008
It's been a while!
I can't believe it was nearly a year ago that I last posted on this blog! How does time go by so quickly without my knowledge of it passing? Maybe this is what being middle-aged is all about. But hey, it could be worse, right? Time could *not* be passing...and that would be bad, m'kay?
So, to catch up:
Completely recovered from the rotator cuff surgery (YAY!!!), but hubby had to have it in January, so BOO! for that, but he's completely recovered from that now, too. However, he had to have knee surgery in early June, and it resulted in the complication of blood escaping from the surgery site and lodging in his calf muscle -- VERY painful, from what I could tell, and it caused a tremendous amount of swelling that really freaked me out at first. But now his leg/ankle/foot look pretty normal again. Still, he has to wear a compression stocking for another month, but hey...at least he can walk, and now is almost pain-free.
Lived my life-long dream last month by singing lead with a rock-n-roll band! Three words for y'all: SCARY. AS. HELL!!!!! But I got through it, and maybe will even be willing to do it again. I need some vocal coaching, but it's for things like breath control and being sure to sing from my diaphragm instead of shallowly. One of the big challenges I've had is selecting songs that work well with my voice range. I am fortunate to have a pretty decent range, but I find I do a lot better if I start off singing low notes, and work up to the highs. I guess that may be true for anyone, though.
Baby sister is out of rehab, has almost a year of sobriety under her belt, and is working through the legal system to deal with custody issues for the three children. They are, unfortunately, back with their father, who insists that she must come there to see them. This is something that is not going to happen, because this man is abusive, controlling, and dangerous. I can't understand how a court ever even allowed him visitation rights, much less anything else, but it doesn't matter whether it can be understood or not -- it just has to be dealt with. And I'm very proud of baby sister for being able to step up to the plate and work on getting her life in order. It takes a tough cookie to do that, and I'm betting on sis being able to rise up to the challenge. I am learning to distance myself somewhat from feeling like I have to do something, and have really made some significant strides toward being less swayed by difficulties, or even dysfunctional people/groups/systems.
Growing upside-down tomatoes for the first time, too! I've never grown food before, so this is all very new and exciting to me. I know -- it's crazy -- but I don't care. :) I go out every day to look at my babies. lol I water them, examine them for any problems, compare one day's size or quantity to the next...lol! It's just ridiculous how much I enjoy this. Hubby and I are talking about what we want to do with the yard in the years ahead, and trying to go ahead and make some plans. The thing is, it's a lot easier (and cheaper!) to talk about than to actually start doing. lol Oh well -- we're happy here regardless, so I guess we can just keep talking until we feel like getting around to doing something about it. :) I have lots of other things growing, too, but these are of the decorative variety. My garden contains: clematis, marigolds, coleus, bleeding hearts, astilbe, Jacob's ladder, a GINORMOUS hydrangea, calla lilies, and a tea rose bush. There's also the hanging basket of mandevilla, and the baskets of other flowers I've grown from seeds, like vinca and sweet peas. It makes for a lovely site out my front windows, and I'm so proud of having accomplished this. Mind you, hubby does all the really hard work, bless his heart, but he lets me take credit for what just happens naturally anyway. lol He's a good man, let me tell you.
Later this month we're looking forward to having his son and new girlfriend stay with us, and also will be welcoming a friend I met online probably 12 years ago. We met once, in 1999, and ended up spending 2 wonderful nights with her in Colorado Springs, when we were out there last year. It was wonderful to spend time with her and to get to know her better. Her "excuse" for coming here is to attend a concert -- Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, followed by one of my friend's favorite bands -- Def Leppard. So, hubby and I are going to the concert with her, if you can believe that. I've never been into hard rock, so this will be a real experience for me. Wish me luck! I need to remember to bring my earplugs so I don't blow out my ear drum! :D I'm going to have to find some appropriate concert attire, too. What do you imagine that would be for Joan Jett and Def Leppard? I'm thinking black.
So, anywho, that's the news from Lake Woebegone. Now, this was a nice post, right? But in the days to come, I hope to work my way toward discussing current events and matters of spirituality. If you've been reading this in times past, you know I'm a Unitarian Universalist. I find that the longer I participate in this denomination, the more deep and wide my search for meaning becomes. I feel I am now outside "Plato's cave", but does that mean I'm really outside, or am I in just an outer room of said cave? How would you know if that was the case anyway? You can really take off from there, considering how large the physical world is, and realizing there are things unseen to us, because they're too small, or because they're too far away, or maybe because they're in a form that can't be seen, like sound waves and ultraviolet rays...
And now I close this post, because I don't want to start thinking about all that again, late on a Friday afternoon & all. Thanks for reading, if you have, and I hope you'll be back soon. I have neglected this for much too long and hope to make amends for that now. :)
Peace, out -- yo. (What is the correct punctuation for that anyway?)
So, to catch up:
Completely recovered from the rotator cuff surgery (YAY!!!), but hubby had to have it in January, so BOO! for that, but he's completely recovered from that now, too. However, he had to have knee surgery in early June, and it resulted in the complication of blood escaping from the surgery site and lodging in his calf muscle -- VERY painful, from what I could tell, and it caused a tremendous amount of swelling that really freaked me out at first. But now his leg/ankle/foot look pretty normal again. Still, he has to wear a compression stocking for another month, but hey...at least he can walk, and now is almost pain-free.
Lived my life-long dream last month by singing lead with a rock-n-roll band! Three words for y'all: SCARY. AS. HELL!!!!! But I got through it, and maybe will even be willing to do it again. I need some vocal coaching, but it's for things like breath control and being sure to sing from my diaphragm instead of shallowly. One of the big challenges I've had is selecting songs that work well with my voice range. I am fortunate to have a pretty decent range, but I find I do a lot better if I start off singing low notes, and work up to the highs. I guess that may be true for anyone, though.
Baby sister is out of rehab, has almost a year of sobriety under her belt, and is working through the legal system to deal with custody issues for the three children. They are, unfortunately, back with their father, who insists that she must come there to see them. This is something that is not going to happen, because this man is abusive, controlling, and dangerous. I can't understand how a court ever even allowed him visitation rights, much less anything else, but it doesn't matter whether it can be understood or not -- it just has to be dealt with. And I'm very proud of baby sister for being able to step up to the plate and work on getting her life in order. It takes a tough cookie to do that, and I'm betting on sis being able to rise up to the challenge. I am learning to distance myself somewhat from feeling like I have to do something, and have really made some significant strides toward being less swayed by difficulties, or even dysfunctional people/groups/systems.
Growing upside-down tomatoes for the first time, too! I've never grown food before, so this is all very new and exciting to me. I know -- it's crazy -- but I don't care. :) I go out every day to look at my babies. lol I water them, examine them for any problems, compare one day's size or quantity to the next...lol! It's just ridiculous how much I enjoy this. Hubby and I are talking about what we want to do with the yard in the years ahead, and trying to go ahead and make some plans. The thing is, it's a lot easier (and cheaper!) to talk about than to actually start doing. lol Oh well -- we're happy here regardless, so I guess we can just keep talking until we feel like getting around to doing something about it. :) I have lots of other things growing, too, but these are of the decorative variety. My garden contains: clematis, marigolds, coleus, bleeding hearts, astilbe, Jacob's ladder, a GINORMOUS hydrangea, calla lilies, and a tea rose bush. There's also the hanging basket of mandevilla, and the baskets of other flowers I've grown from seeds, like vinca and sweet peas. It makes for a lovely site out my front windows, and I'm so proud of having accomplished this. Mind you, hubby does all the really hard work, bless his heart, but he lets me take credit for what just happens naturally anyway. lol He's a good man, let me tell you.
Later this month we're looking forward to having his son and new girlfriend stay with us, and also will be welcoming a friend I met online probably 12 years ago. We met once, in 1999, and ended up spending 2 wonderful nights with her in Colorado Springs, when we were out there last year. It was wonderful to spend time with her and to get to know her better. Her "excuse" for coming here is to attend a concert -- Joan Jett & the Blackhearts, followed by one of my friend's favorite bands -- Def Leppard. So, hubby and I are going to the concert with her, if you can believe that. I've never been into hard rock, so this will be a real experience for me. Wish me luck! I need to remember to bring my earplugs so I don't blow out my ear drum! :D I'm going to have to find some appropriate concert attire, too. What do you imagine that would be for Joan Jett and Def Leppard? I'm thinking black.
So, anywho, that's the news from Lake Woebegone. Now, this was a nice post, right? But in the days to come, I hope to work my way toward discussing current events and matters of spirituality. If you've been reading this in times past, you know I'm a Unitarian Universalist. I find that the longer I participate in this denomination, the more deep and wide my search for meaning becomes. I feel I am now outside "Plato's cave", but does that mean I'm really outside, or am I in just an outer room of said cave? How would you know if that was the case anyway? You can really take off from there, considering how large the physical world is, and realizing there are things unseen to us, because they're too small, or because they're too far away, or maybe because they're in a form that can't be seen, like sound waves and ultraviolet rays...
And now I close this post, because I don't want to start thinking about all that again, late on a Friday afternoon & all. Thanks for reading, if you have, and I hope you'll be back soon. I have neglected this for much too long and hope to make amends for that now. :)
Peace, out -- yo. (What is the correct punctuation for that anyway?)
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Britney Spears and the media
Quoting from MSNBC.com: “Lard and Clear,” read Monday’s headline in the New York Post. “The bulging belly she was flaunting was SO not hot,” wrote E! Online.
I can't believe I'm writing about Britney Spears to begin with, but this story has really grabbed me and won't let go. I'm no fan, and never have been. But my reason for not being a fan has less to do with not caring for the type of music being created -- it has to do with the sexualization and marketing of a now-grown CHILD by that child's parents.
How could parents possibly think that performing suggestive (ha! understatement) dance moves while singing about sexual situations while clothed in a porno version of the "innocent schoolgirl" would do anything other than cause problems? Notice how mild I'm being there? "Problems" could include relationship difficulties, substance abuse issues, ERRATIC BEHAVIOR (remember the shaved head rehab look?), and inability to make informed decisions. Any of this ring a bell?
But the issue here is actually much less obvious somehow. People are making fun of Britney Spears because they think she's FAT. And, God knows, that's the WORST THING YOU CAN BE!
Everyone knows she's had two children, but that really has little to do with this situation. The more important aspect is WHY there is such an uproar about this troubled woman's PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE body.
Let me come right out and say that I am FAT. No one would be wrong to label me as such based on the look of my body. I have dealt with all of the aspects of being fat throughout my life, including having offensive and hurtful fat epithets hurled at me by men driving by while I was walking down a street in Boston. (People can be so kind.) I've been teased, I've been frowned on, I've been avoided, I've been laughed at outright, especially if I was (God forbid!) trying to do something a fat person shouldn't do, like eat, or exercise. And though I've come a long way in self acceptance, I'd still practically sell my soul to look "normal". It's an awfully heavy burden to bear, knowing that your physical home disgusts people who aren't shy about saying so.
But what is "normal"? I look at the photos of Britney Spears on the MTV Awards and I don't see "ME". I see a young mother who, though thicker than before, is beautiful, and talented, and yes, apparently not at her best, but I don't see a FAT WOMAN.
E!, People, TMZ...all y'all -- what the hell is wrong with you people? Do you really live in a world that requires skewering the weak among us? Everyone knows Britney has problems, and big ones, but do you really have to strike at the very core of almost all women's fear...to be a physical joke...to be unacceptable??? Who do you think you are, seriously??? Let's get you up there on stage in less clothing than most people wear to the beach and see how well you measure up. I bet we could get a big audience (pun intended) that would actually pay money to "critique" your physical selves.
You know what, though? I wouldn't be in that audience, and neither would most of the "fat" people I know. Why is that, you wonder? It's called decency. It's called having the ability to put yourself in someone else's place. It's called compassion. Try dictionary.com for the definitions. It might do us all a world of good.
I can't believe I'm writing about Britney Spears to begin with, but this story has really grabbed me and won't let go. I'm no fan, and never have been. But my reason for not being a fan has less to do with not caring for the type of music being created -- it has to do with the sexualization and marketing of a now-grown CHILD by that child's parents.
How could parents possibly think that performing suggestive (ha! understatement) dance moves while singing about sexual situations while clothed in a porno version of the "innocent schoolgirl" would do anything other than cause problems? Notice how mild I'm being there? "Problems" could include relationship difficulties, substance abuse issues, ERRATIC BEHAVIOR (remember the shaved head rehab look?), and inability to make informed decisions. Any of this ring a bell?
But the issue here is actually much less obvious somehow. People are making fun of Britney Spears because they think she's FAT. And, God knows, that's the WORST THING YOU CAN BE!
Everyone knows she's had two children, but that really has little to do with this situation. The more important aspect is WHY there is such an uproar about this troubled woman's PERFECTLY ACCEPTABLE body.
Let me come right out and say that I am FAT. No one would be wrong to label me as such based on the look of my body. I have dealt with all of the aspects of being fat throughout my life, including having offensive and hurtful fat epithets hurled at me by men driving by while I was walking down a street in Boston. (People can be so kind.) I've been teased, I've been frowned on, I've been avoided, I've been laughed at outright, especially if I was (God forbid!) trying to do something a fat person shouldn't do, like eat, or exercise. And though I've come a long way in self acceptance, I'd still practically sell my soul to look "normal". It's an awfully heavy burden to bear, knowing that your physical home disgusts people who aren't shy about saying so.
But what is "normal"? I look at the photos of Britney Spears on the MTV Awards and I don't see "ME". I see a young mother who, though thicker than before, is beautiful, and talented, and yes, apparently not at her best, but I don't see a FAT WOMAN.
E!, People, TMZ...all y'all -- what the hell is wrong with you people? Do you really live in a world that requires skewering the weak among us? Everyone knows Britney has problems, and big ones, but do you really have to strike at the very core of almost all women's fear...to be a physical joke...to be unacceptable??? Who do you think you are, seriously??? Let's get you up there on stage in less clothing than most people wear to the beach and see how well you measure up. I bet we could get a big audience (pun intended) that would actually pay money to "critique" your physical selves.
You know what, though? I wouldn't be in that audience, and neither would most of the "fat" people I know. Why is that, you wonder? It's called decency. It's called having the ability to put yourself in someone else's place. It's called compassion. Try dictionary.com for the definitions. It might do us all a world of good.
Wednesday, June 13, 2007
Kroger + GLBT news + the First Amendment
Following is a letter to the editors that I've sent to the mainstream media in my area. I urge you to think about the import of this action and message and do what you can to make a difference for free speech in this country.
Regarding the story that Kroger is reviewing a contract with the company DistribuTech which distributes a local free newspaper, "Out and About". Following is a quote in Nashville's "The City Paper":
"Kroger spokesperson Melissa Eads said in a statement that the papers were removed in accordance with a company policy of not offering publications that serve political or other agendas. "We have had a long-standing policy in place that prohibits the third-party from distributing publications that promote political, religious or other specific agendas."
I am 44 years old, straight, and married. I do not feel that "Out and About" serves any kind of political, religious, or 'other specific agendas'. "Out and About" is a NEWSpaper, like "The Tennessean" is a newspaper. Krogers in our area have free newspapers that cater to parents, African Americans, etc., so I'm unclear as to the difference between these publications and "Out and About". I am neither a parent nor an African American, but I'm not bothered in the least by there being publications available in my Kroger for these particular groups of people. I just simply don't pick up free newspapers in which I have no interest, rather than insisting that my choices are more important that those of others and removing their ability to make their own decisions about what to read.
Nashville, and other cities, have other options for grocery shopping, and I will definitely take my business to Publix or any other grocer who doesn't have a policy of discrimination. I strongly urge Kroger to consider the impact of thisdecision on the wider community, and opt for tolerance, the first amendment, and freedom of choice.
I close this post with a statement from Rev. Martin Niemoller:
Regarding the story that Kroger is reviewing a contract with the company DistribuTech which distributes a local free newspaper, "Out and About". Following is a quote in Nashville's "The City Paper":
"Kroger spokesperson Melissa Eads said in a statement that the papers were removed in accordance with a company policy of not offering publications that serve political or other agendas. "We have had a long-standing policy in place that prohibits the third-party from distributing publications that promote political, religious or other specific agendas."
I am 44 years old, straight, and married. I do not feel that "Out and About" serves any kind of political, religious, or 'other specific agendas'. "Out and About" is a NEWSpaper, like "The Tennessean" is a newspaper. Krogers in our area have free newspapers that cater to parents, African Americans, etc., so I'm unclear as to the difference between these publications and "Out and About". I am neither a parent nor an African American, but I'm not bothered in the least by there being publications available in my Kroger for these particular groups of people. I just simply don't pick up free newspapers in which I have no interest, rather than insisting that my choices are more important that those of others and removing their ability to make their own decisions about what to read.
Nashville, and other cities, have other options for grocery shopping, and I will definitely take my business to Publix or any other grocer who doesn't have a policy of discrimination. I strongly urge Kroger to consider the impact of thisdecision on the wider community, and opt for tolerance, the first amendment, and freedom of choice.
I close this post with a statement from Rev. Martin Niemoller:
First they came for the Communists,
and I didn’t speak up,
because I wasn’t a Communist.
Then they came for the Jews,
and I didn’t speak up,
because I wasn’t a Jew.
Then they came for the Catholics,
and I didn’t speak up,
because I was a Protestant.
Then they came for me,
and by that time there was no one
left to speak up for me.Tuesday, June 12, 2007
Update -- surgery Thursday + sister news
This is just a note to say that I won't be able to post or probably even visit here for a bit. Thursday I'll have the rotator cuff surgery I talked about before, so my left shoulder/arm will be immobilized for a while afterwards. I hope I'll be able to use my hand a bit, but don't know how that's going to be. So, fair warning -- I may not be able to respond to messages for a while.
Second, if you're the sort to pray or send good vibes or whatever, please remember my youngest sister. She has had lifelong problems with alcohol and depressive disorders, and tried to commit suicide Sunday night. She has 3 children, 9, 3, and 2. They are with a friend right now, but legally will probably revert to their father's custody. This is problematic in that he is abusive and seriously contributed to my sister's issues, and in that he has no help whatsoever for the kids. My mom is on her way up there now to see what she can do, including whether or not she can take the kids home to Florida with her "while this gets sorted out". The hope is that she might be able to foster-partent them, or adopt them even. When my sister is released from the hospital, which I hope is a long, long time from now, she will have visitation rights, but only with supervision, so she's really created a difficult situation for herself and for those who love her and her children.
We all need peace, wisdom, and guidance in this matter. All good wishes will be appreciated.
Second, if you're the sort to pray or send good vibes or whatever, please remember my youngest sister. She has had lifelong problems with alcohol and depressive disorders, and tried to commit suicide Sunday night. She has 3 children, 9, 3, and 2. They are with a friend right now, but legally will probably revert to their father's custody. This is problematic in that he is abusive and seriously contributed to my sister's issues, and in that he has no help whatsoever for the kids. My mom is on her way up there now to see what she can do, including whether or not she can take the kids home to Florida with her "while this gets sorted out". The hope is that she might be able to foster-partent them, or adopt them even. When my sister is released from the hospital, which I hope is a long, long time from now, she will have visitation rights, but only with supervision, so she's really created a difficult situation for herself and for those who love her and her children.
We all need peace, wisdom, and guidance in this matter. All good wishes will be appreciated.
Monday, May 14, 2007
Torn rotator cuff & labrum left shoulder...
Yes, me. That's what the pesky upper arm pain turned out to be, thanks to the wonders of MRI technology. So, the surgeon who took care of me when I broke my ankle/leg, and did the miraculous carpal tunnel/deQuervain's release that alleviated a 20-year problem, will be fixing my crappy-ass shoulder.
I didn't injure it -- it just developed over time. Apparently, there is also a bone spur on my clavicle, I think, which, he said, would also irritate the biceps tendon, creating that arm pain that I thought was muscular. So, he's going to remove the labrum (cartilage) altogether, smooth the bone spur, and, because he said my arm/shoulder was "hanging by a thread" (his words!!), he's going to clean up the ragged parts and rejoin the rotator cuff itself. He may also need to de/reattach the muscle(?)...tendon(?)...one of those, I think.
Surgery is scheduled for June 14. I put it that far out because we leave for Denver next week, and will be gone for 10 days. I don't want to be looking at surgery as soon as I return, so I'm going to do it the week after. I was supposed to drive down to my niece's wedding this weekend, but I'm unable to do that now. The doctor said I can do whatever I feel like doing, but that if anything hurts, don't do it, literally, because I could further injure my shoulder and create a much more acute situation. So, no driving for any length of time. And especially not in hubby's car, which is a stick-shift and has a sporty suspension. (Read: bumpier ride) He's got a band gig this weekend, and has to have the van to load and carry all of his equipment.
Life just gets more and more interesting, doesn't it?
I didn't injure it -- it just developed over time. Apparently, there is also a bone spur on my clavicle, I think, which, he said, would also irritate the biceps tendon, creating that arm pain that I thought was muscular. So, he's going to remove the labrum (cartilage) altogether, smooth the bone spur, and, because he said my arm/shoulder was "hanging by a thread" (his words!!), he's going to clean up the ragged parts and rejoin the rotator cuff itself. He may also need to de/reattach the muscle(?)...tendon(?)...one of those, I think.
Surgery is scheduled for June 14. I put it that far out because we leave for Denver next week, and will be gone for 10 days. I don't want to be looking at surgery as soon as I return, so I'm going to do it the week after. I was supposed to drive down to my niece's wedding this weekend, but I'm unable to do that now. The doctor said I can do whatever I feel like doing, but that if anything hurts, don't do it, literally, because I could further injure my shoulder and create a much more acute situation. So, no driving for any length of time. And especially not in hubby's car, which is a stick-shift and has a sporty suspension. (Read: bumpier ride) He's got a band gig this weekend, and has to have the van to load and carry all of his equipment.
Life just gets more and more interesting, doesn't it?
Sister news
Well, color me wrong. I did see my sister and she is still, indeed, alive. As it turns out, it was *NOT* DUI for which my sister was arrested, but she had been drinking. Here's what happened after this:
The DCFS became involved in the case because she left the 3 children at home alone asleep, minutes before her ex was due home. Therefore, the DCFS will not allow her to be alone with her children -- and thankfully so. In order to not have had to put the kids into foster care, they were allowed to stay with her and their dad, if the dad wouldn't leave her alone with them. You'd think this would make him happy, but noooooooooooo -- he was put out that he had to be "inconvenienced" by having to take the kids places, etc. So, he left her alone with the kids. He left her alone with them the last time just minutes after meeting with the DCFS caseworker, during which time he refused to go to anger management counseling, saying that he was not the one with the problem...SHE was. So, I urged my sister to report that she'd been left alone. And she did. And that resulted in the caseworker calling me to ask if I could come get the children!! I told people this would happen, but the people directly involved wouldn't believe me....
The dad wouldn't agree to let them go out of state (especially not to me, the person he hates most in our family), so they called my mom, asking if she could come up to stay with them until a safety plan is no longer needed. There was a meeting set up between my mom, sister and the caseworker for when my mom got up there, so I decided to join them. I learned that the dad had been spanking the children for crying, and telling my sister that if she didn't spank them when they cried, HE would do it worse. He also had been going through her purse, her cell phone, etc., and when she told him not to, he shoved her against the wall. I suggested at the meeting that, since my sister really didn't want to be with him, and he was no longer on the 'safetey plan', she didn't have to live with him. I also learned that he's at least 3 months behind on his mortgage, so that the mortgage company is calling him many times per day, so I don't know where they'd have been living soon, anyway!
I helped get her moved, and went with her to court to apply for an emergency restraining order to keep him away from the kids -- she already had one herself. This came about because he "stalked" us the night we moved her out. We stayed in a hotel in the area, because I knew he'd come looking, and I also had my mom and sister hide their vehicles in different locations. I was in my hubby's car, which I knew he had never seen, so that's the one we left in the hotel lot. Sure enough, we saw him driving through the parking lot, so I made my sister report it to the police. The next day we went for the restraining order.
DCFS is requiring her to attend alcohol counseling 3 x per week, attend AA, and she'll also be required to attend domestic violence counseling at some point. My oldest niece will also receive counseling and be taken to Alateen or Alatot, depending on the age requirements. The caseworker visits 4 x per week, and my sister has gotten a job on the Alzheimer's floor of a nursing home, doing activities with the patients there. She looks markedly better and healthier than she did when I saw her last. She claims to enjoy her job, though she's not crazy about the people doing the counseling. This is because the first night she attended, the person doing her counseling was saying how much she hated her job, how she was looking for something else, and asked my sister if she knew of any job openings!!! So, I can't say that I blame her for that one.
This weekend we drove up to visit mom and sister, and it was a big improvement over the last time I was there, in terms of her appearance and the way the apartment was put together. Clearly some kind of progress is being made, for what it's worth. Today was the hearing for the permanent restraining order for the kids. I am disappointed but not terribly surprised that, not only was she not given a restraining order for the kids, they REVOKED the one she has for herself. I haven't gotten to speak directly to my mom or sister since they left that message, but I'm guessing that it was revoked because she moved back in with him. Can't say as I blame the judge -- she made her bed... Trouble is, her bed is the kids' bed, too. Though I did tell her face to face, eye to eye when I was there before that I would sue for custody of the kids if she does anything to endanger their safety -- mental, spiritual, or physical -- EVER again. She hung her head a bit and said "I understand".
So, there you have it. Time will tell in this case. Accountability is an excellent thing.
The DCFS became involved in the case because she left the 3 children at home alone asleep, minutes before her ex was due home. Therefore, the DCFS will not allow her to be alone with her children -- and thankfully so. In order to not have had to put the kids into foster care, they were allowed to stay with her and their dad, if the dad wouldn't leave her alone with them. You'd think this would make him happy, but noooooooooooo -- he was put out that he had to be "inconvenienced" by having to take the kids places, etc. So, he left her alone with the kids. He left her alone with them the last time just minutes after meeting with the DCFS caseworker, during which time he refused to go to anger management counseling, saying that he was not the one with the problem...SHE was. So, I urged my sister to report that she'd been left alone. And she did. And that resulted in the caseworker calling me to ask if I could come get the children!! I told people this would happen, but the people directly involved wouldn't believe me....
The dad wouldn't agree to let them go out of state (especially not to me, the person he hates most in our family), so they called my mom, asking if she could come up to stay with them until a safety plan is no longer needed. There was a meeting set up between my mom, sister and the caseworker for when my mom got up there, so I decided to join them. I learned that the dad had been spanking the children for crying, and telling my sister that if she didn't spank them when they cried, HE would do it worse. He also had been going through her purse, her cell phone, etc., and when she told him not to, he shoved her against the wall. I suggested at the meeting that, since my sister really didn't want to be with him, and he was no longer on the 'safetey plan', she didn't have to live with him. I also learned that he's at least 3 months behind on his mortgage, so that the mortgage company is calling him many times per day, so I don't know where they'd have been living soon, anyway!
I helped get her moved, and went with her to court to apply for an emergency restraining order to keep him away from the kids -- she already had one herself. This came about because he "stalked" us the night we moved her out. We stayed in a hotel in the area, because I knew he'd come looking, and I also had my mom and sister hide their vehicles in different locations. I was in my hubby's car, which I knew he had never seen, so that's the one we left in the hotel lot. Sure enough, we saw him driving through the parking lot, so I made my sister report it to the police. The next day we went for the restraining order.
DCFS is requiring her to attend alcohol counseling 3 x per week, attend AA, and she'll also be required to attend domestic violence counseling at some point. My oldest niece will also receive counseling and be taken to Alateen or Alatot, depending on the age requirements. The caseworker visits 4 x per week, and my sister has gotten a job on the Alzheimer's floor of a nursing home, doing activities with the patients there. She looks markedly better and healthier than she did when I saw her last. She claims to enjoy her job, though she's not crazy about the people doing the counseling. This is because the first night she attended, the person doing her counseling was saying how much she hated her job, how she was looking for something else, and asked my sister if she knew of any job openings!!! So, I can't say that I blame her for that one.
This weekend we drove up to visit mom and sister, and it was a big improvement over the last time I was there, in terms of her appearance and the way the apartment was put together. Clearly some kind of progress is being made, for what it's worth. Today was the hearing for the permanent restraining order for the kids. I am disappointed but not terribly surprised that, not only was she not given a restraining order for the kids, they REVOKED the one she has for herself. I haven't gotten to speak directly to my mom or sister since they left that message, but I'm guessing that it was revoked because she moved back in with him. Can't say as I blame the judge -- she made her bed... Trouble is, her bed is the kids' bed, too. Though I did tell her face to face, eye to eye when I was there before that I would sue for custody of the kids if she does anything to endanger their safety -- mental, spiritual, or physical -- EVER again. She hung her head a bit and said "I understand".
So, there you have it. Time will tell in this case. Accountability is an excellent thing.
Friday, April 13, 2007
Not enough words to describe
Today I am writing a very difficult post about my family and me. Some of you are directly familiar with this story because you know me. Others of you may be familiar with this due to your own family issues. Either way, I wish this wasn't why I needed to write today.
I am afraid, down to my soul, that I will never see my youngest sister alive again.
My sister is an alcoholic, probably abuses other substances, and most likely has a borderline personality disorder. Given these parameters, it is highly unlikely that she will ever be able to receive effective treatment. Also, given her history, including current, the outlook is equally dim. Last night or this morning, she was picked up for DUI. She has moved back in with her abusive ex, vowing to make it work this time, but before the week was out, she waited until he was out of the house and the kids were alseep and she took off in the car for God only knows where. Only this time, she got picked up for DUI, meaning THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME SHE'S DONE THIS; this is just the first time she's been arrested for this and thrown in jail. I believe she's had other kinds of charges in the past (drunk & disorderly conduct? who knows?), because I know she was taken in handcuffs from a bar fight to the psych ward of the hospital in that town. I suspect that means arrested, but, since I've never had encounters of that sort with the law myself, and especially not in her state, I couldn't tell you if that's right or not.
I guess this post is really about me, and how do I handle the depth of sadness that I feel while still maintaining my boundaries AND trying to help get answers to complicated questions as it seems as though our family is going to have to do a full blown intervention on this very sick woman.
I've settled down a bit since I first learned of Melissa's latest news from my Mom this morning. I was actually calling Mom to tell her I have pneumonia and a sinus infection. I was even on my way to physical therapy at the time -- I have fibromyalgia and am having a particularly annoying pain in my left arm that we are trying to figure out whether an MRI of the shoulder is in order now. Anyway, I was truly surprised, and then surprised at my own surprise, when I learned of what my sister did. Mom, I'm proud to say, was fairly close to emotionless when she gave me the details. She said that Melissa had commented before that she'd never had to pay the consequences of anything she ever did in her life, and Mom said she herself now realized she'd always been the one to save her, or to have me to go save her. That was a pretty big admission, and a pretty difficult awareness to have about oneself.
I've left messages with three friends in various positions of clinical therapeutics and social work to try to find a place that would admit my sister long term with Illinois Medicaid. I also need to find out what the laws are in Illinois regarding child custody in a situation like this -- they have joint custody but she is the resident parent. Then, if that information can be gotten, we have to have a family trip to Illinois to confront her and her ex, whether he likes it or not. She is going to die if something doesn't help her, and we are convinced that the only thing that will help is long term therapy. Naturally HE doesn't want her in a facility -- who would take care of the kids and take his abuse on a daily basis? My parents have offered to take the kids *TEMPORARILY* while my sister gets help, but he won't hear of it. He said he couldn't stand for them to be so far away. What he really means is that he would have nothing over Melissa without those kids. If it weren't for the kids, she wouldn't "need" him. He doesn't want the kids --- he wants HER.
I am very blessed to have such a wonderful and supportive husband as my Arnie. Bless his heart, he loves my family, but he's ALL about me. He lets me know in word and deed that he'd move heaven and earth to change this situation if he could, but his support alone is the greatest gift he could give me. Add to that the support and love of my friends and church community (many of whom are receiving this as an email instead of just a blogpost), and I am overflowing with joy in that area. It's very hard to be both physically ill and emotionally stressed, because you can't be around people when you'd most like to have them around you. (I hope that made sense -- I'm under the influence of cough syrup, but NOT driving.)
Any wisdom or information or even spells would be welcome at this point, along with good thoughts and prayers. My brother and other sister all spoke to each other today, and they share my sadness as well as supporting me, as I do them. Folks, in case you don't know it, alcoholism is a family disease, and it's progressive. It never gets cured, though it can be treated. Treatment of body and soul is my sister's only hope here, and therefore the hope of my entire family.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it was a bummer, and just realized it's Friday the 13th. How very apropos.
I am afraid, down to my soul, that I will never see my youngest sister alive again.
My sister is an alcoholic, probably abuses other substances, and most likely has a borderline personality disorder. Given these parameters, it is highly unlikely that she will ever be able to receive effective treatment. Also, given her history, including current, the outlook is equally dim. Last night or this morning, she was picked up for DUI. She has moved back in with her abusive ex, vowing to make it work this time, but before the week was out, she waited until he was out of the house and the kids were alseep and she took off in the car for God only knows where. Only this time, she got picked up for DUI, meaning THIS IS NOT THE FIRST TIME SHE'S DONE THIS; this is just the first time she's been arrested for this and thrown in jail. I believe she's had other kinds of charges in the past (drunk & disorderly conduct? who knows?), because I know she was taken in handcuffs from a bar fight to the psych ward of the hospital in that town. I suspect that means arrested, but, since I've never had encounters of that sort with the law myself, and especially not in her state, I couldn't tell you if that's right or not.
I guess this post is really about me, and how do I handle the depth of sadness that I feel while still maintaining my boundaries AND trying to help get answers to complicated questions as it seems as though our family is going to have to do a full blown intervention on this very sick woman.
I've settled down a bit since I first learned of Melissa's latest news from my Mom this morning. I was actually calling Mom to tell her I have pneumonia and a sinus infection. I was even on my way to physical therapy at the time -- I have fibromyalgia and am having a particularly annoying pain in my left arm that we are trying to figure out whether an MRI of the shoulder is in order now. Anyway, I was truly surprised, and then surprised at my own surprise, when I learned of what my sister did. Mom, I'm proud to say, was fairly close to emotionless when she gave me the details. She said that Melissa had commented before that she'd never had to pay the consequences of anything she ever did in her life, and Mom said she herself now realized she'd always been the one to save her, or to have me to go save her. That was a pretty big admission, and a pretty difficult awareness to have about oneself.
I've left messages with three friends in various positions of clinical therapeutics and social work to try to find a place that would admit my sister long term with Illinois Medicaid. I also need to find out what the laws are in Illinois regarding child custody in a situation like this -- they have joint custody but she is the resident parent. Then, if that information can be gotten, we have to have a family trip to Illinois to confront her and her ex, whether he likes it or not. She is going to die if something doesn't help her, and we are convinced that the only thing that will help is long term therapy. Naturally HE doesn't want her in a facility -- who would take care of the kids and take his abuse on a daily basis? My parents have offered to take the kids *TEMPORARILY* while my sister gets help, but he won't hear of it. He said he couldn't stand for them to be so far away. What he really means is that he would have nothing over Melissa without those kids. If it weren't for the kids, she wouldn't "need" him. He doesn't want the kids --- he wants HER.
I am very blessed to have such a wonderful and supportive husband as my Arnie. Bless his heart, he loves my family, but he's ALL about me. He lets me know in word and deed that he'd move heaven and earth to change this situation if he could, but his support alone is the greatest gift he could give me. Add to that the support and love of my friends and church community (many of whom are receiving this as an email instead of just a blogpost), and I am overflowing with joy in that area. It's very hard to be both physically ill and emotionally stressed, because you can't be around people when you'd most like to have them around you. (I hope that made sense -- I'm under the influence of cough syrup, but NOT driving.)
Any wisdom or information or even spells would be welcome at this point, along with good thoughts and prayers. My brother and other sister all spoke to each other today, and they share my sadness as well as supporting me, as I do them. Folks, in case you don't know it, alcoholism is a family disease, and it's progressive. It never gets cured, though it can be treated. Treatment of body and soul is my sister's only hope here, and therefore the hope of my entire family.
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I know it was a bummer, and just realized it's Friday the 13th. How very apropos.
Monday, March 26, 2007
It's been a while
Sorry to any of you who have been anxiously awaiting another post from me. Getting over the carpal tunnel surgery has been a little more draining than I'd realized. While the pain from the CTS is gone, the pain from the surgery part itself has not, though it is getting better. One thing I've learned is that our hands are exceptionally intricate as to how the muscles/tendons/ligaments/nerves all work together. It's amazing to discover by trying to do something that x-activity = 17 different aspects of the hand working in concert. Quite a cool discovery, really, but still, one I'd rather not have had to make.
Today I had to post this in honor of my kitty Roger and my friend Tater:
It's obvious why this was for Roger, but the reason it was also for Tater is because she gets so tickled over pictures like this with little sayings on them, and now, I'm addicted too! If you are like us, in our easily-amusedness, you can find more of these at:
There are many other sites that feature these "lolcats", but I love the Cheezburger site the most.
More posts to come regarding future travel plans.
Peace,
Suzanne
Today I had to post this in honor of my kitty Roger and my friend Tater:
It's obvious why this was for Roger, but the reason it was also for Tater is because she gets so tickled over pictures like this with little sayings on them, and now, I'm addicted too! If you are like us, in our easily-amusedness, you can find more of these at:
There are many other sites that feature these "lolcats", but I love the Cheezburger site the most.
More posts to come regarding future travel plans.
Peace,
Suzanne
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Survival and success
Can you hear the crescendo of Barry Manilow's full orchestra as he belts out, half a step higher than the last bar, "Looks like we MADE it......."? I can, cuz, we did!. Well, we, meaning, I made it. :) And I did have general anesthesia after all, which is all the more reason to be happy for things going well. I confessed here, I think, my fear of "going under", but, fortunately, my fears were not realized in any way.
The anesthesiologist very logically and patiently explained to me that, more than likely, the reason I had trouble with my blood pressure elevating so much during the sinus surgery I had last was because of the use of epinephrine and cocaine in the nasal cavity, and he felt 99.9% certain that I would not experience those problems again as long as substances like that were not involved, and they weren't. So yayayayayay for that anesthesiologist and his ability to explain things well to neurotics like me. :)
I'm healing, but can't spend much time doing things like this, so I'm closing my brief note with a very large thank you to anyone who uttered prayers or good wishes for a successful outcome and speedy recovery. It's working!!!
The anesthesiologist very logically and patiently explained to me that, more than likely, the reason I had trouble with my blood pressure elevating so much during the sinus surgery I had last was because of the use of epinephrine and cocaine in the nasal cavity, and he felt 99.9% certain that I would not experience those problems again as long as substances like that were not involved, and they weren't. So yayayayayay for that anesthesiologist and his ability to explain things well to neurotics like me. :)
I'm healing, but can't spend much time doing things like this, so I'm closing my brief note with a very large thank you to anyone who uttered prayers or good wishes for a successful outcome and speedy recovery. It's working!!!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Surgery
Hey friends in Blog-o-land, I have a request. I would appreciate good thoughts, vibes, and/or prayers of any religious persuasion tomorrow, March 1, as I'm undergoing some minor surgery. I'm having a carpal tunnel release, which apparently looks like this:
From the site: http://www.sorehand.com/carpal-tunnel-syndrome.htm
I'm also having a DeQuervain's Tenosynovitis release on the same (right) hand. The following graphic is from : http://www.handuniversity.com/topics.asp?Topic_ID=45
Anywho, I know it shouldn't be any big deal, but still....one can't help but have a bit of anxiety.
I'll have an update posted sometime tomorrow, though I can't swear that the typing will be coherent. ;) It may be funny as hell, though, so that alone is something to look forward to!
Peace,
Suzanne
From the site: http://www.sorehand.com/carpal-tunnel-syndrome.htmI'm also having a DeQuervain's Tenosynovitis release on the same (right) hand. The following graphic is from : http://www.handuniversity.com/topics.asp?Topic_ID=45
Anywho, I know it shouldn't be any big deal, but still....one can't help but have a bit of anxiety.
I'll have an update posted sometime tomorrow, though I can't swear that the typing will be coherent. ;) It may be funny as hell, though, so that alone is something to look forward to!
Peace,
Suzanne
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
My Tenth Anniversary being a Non-Smoker
Ten years ago today I made one of the best decisions of my life. I quit smoking. I quit cold turkey and I've never (thankfully) had any real desire to start back. Not to say that, if cigarette smoking were not harmful, I wouldn't joyfully resume, but we all know that's not the case, so I remain tobacco-free.
Why did I quit? Because I was ready to. I had smoked since I was a teenager, first stealing my parents' cigarettes, and then, moving in to buying my own. I cringe to think of that now, but it is what it is. I loved smoking -- I loved the feel of it, the way it looked, the calming I felt when inhaling that (nasty) smoke. I also liked the feeling of being a rebel, doing what people told me not to do, being a little bit on the edge.
I tried to quit a couple of times. Once, I quit for a few days because I was too hungover to smoke. Now, that has to conjure up a picture that isn't pretty, as well it should. In my pitiful defense, let me add that this was the New Year's Day that I was supposed to see my first ex-lover and his new wife at a gathering, and I think that knowledge goaded me into consuming way too much alcohol. Duh, you say. Yes, you're right -- duh! Funny thing is, he didn't even attend the gathering, and actually, neither did I, because I was feeling like roadkill myself. I resumed smoking within a few days.
The second time I tried to quit was during my first marriage -- the marriage to the emotionally abusive alcoholic. In fact, we both attempted to quit at the same time. BIG mistake. HUGE. The ensuing tension we both felt fed upon itself, and made me realize in just short of a day's time that there was no way we would survive each other if we both quit at the same time. So, we started smoking again.
The last time I quit was on this day 1o years ago, when I had bronchitis with a sinus infection AGAIN. Now, I've always had sinus infections, ear infections, etc., since infancy, so that alone was not anything new. But this time, it hurt too much to inhale that poisonous smoke, thank goodness. I had spoken with my family doctor perhaps a year prior to this date to ask him for help in quitting. That was when you had to have a prescription for "The Patch". He told me, very wisely, that he would give me the prescription, but he urged me NOT to fill it just yet. His advice to me was that I "needed to get my head right" about this first, that no amount of chemical help was going to be worthwhile until and unless I was completely ready to take this step. As it turned out, I never had to fill that prescription.
I still have two siblings who smoke, and it tears me up to think about. My brother has a lifelong history of asthma, and my sister has a son with asthma. She herself has been battling repeated upper respiratory problems this year especially, and her little son needs breathing treatments on a fairly regular basis. I know this is at least in part because of her smoking around him. I've tried to be as supportive and encouraging as I know how to be, because I truly do understand how hard it is to quit and how much you really enjoy those cigarettes. But if I could accomplish one positive thing in my life, it would be to help these two precious loves of my life overcome their addiction and habit.
So, if you think of it, raise a glass for me today, and say a little prayer for my brother and sister. If I could do it, and my other sister could do it, the other two can -- I just know it.
Peace,
Suzanne
Thursday, February 22, 2007
Apparently, a punny week....
Musical joke
A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar.
The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest -- and closes the bar.
A C, an E-flat, and a G go into a bar.
The bartender says: "Sorry, but we don't serve minors." So, the E-flat leaves, and the C and the G have an open fifth between them. After a few drinks, the fifth is diminished: the G is out flat. An F comes in and tries to augment the situation, but is not sharp enough. A D comes into the bar and heads straight for the bathroom saying, "Excuse me. I'll just be a second." An A comes into the bar, but the bartender is not convinced that this relative of C is not a minor. Then the bartender notices a B-flat hiding at the end of the bar and exclaims: "Get out now! You're the seventh minor I've found in this bar tonight." The E-flat, not easily deflated, comes back to the bar the next night in a 3-piece suit with nicely shined shoes. The bartender (who used to have a nice corporate job until his company downsized) says: "You're looking sharp tonight, come on in! This could be a major development." This proves to be the case, as the E-flat takes off the suit, and everything else, and stands there au naturel. Eventually, the C sobers up, and realizes in horror that he's under a rest. The C is brought to trial, is found guilty of contributing to the diminution of a minor, and is sentenced to 10 years of DS without Coda at an upscale correctional facility. On appeal, however, the C is found innocent of any wrongdoing, even accidental, and that all accusations to the contrary are bassless. The bartender decides, however, that since he's only had tenor so patrons, the soprano out in the bathroom, and everything has become alto much treble, he needs a rest -- and closes the bar.
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Where are you?
make your own map at: www.modmyprofile.com
Can anyone see this map? I can't when I view it, but I'm not sure if that's just me, or what. :) Could one of you lovely people let me know? Thanks!
Monday, February 19, 2007
WARNING -- Punny post ahead
With permission from Kayakdave from ApplachianGreens, I submit the following. Remember, you were warned....
{AppalachianGreens} "Got these in E-mail."
(1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it.""But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
(2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
(3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
(4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
(5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
(6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
(7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin trip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
(8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
(9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
(10) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
(By the way, the guy who wrote these 10 puns entered them in a contest. He figured with 10 entries, he couldn't lose. As they were reading the list of winners, he was really hoping one of his puns would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.)
{AppalachianGreens} "Got these in E-mail."
(1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, "I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it.""But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you know who I am? I am the king!" Croesus replied, "When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."
(2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed in a fire, and we'll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
(3) A man rushed into a busy doctor's office and shouted "Doctor! I think I'm shrinking!!" The doctor calmly responded, "Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."
(4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day, his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
(5) Back in the 1800s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to produce other products and, since they already made the cases for watches, they used them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the origin of the expression, "He who has a Tates is lost!"
(6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, "We have absolutely nothing to go on."
(7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin trip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, "The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."
(8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the local civic official who apologized profusely saying, "I must have taken Leif off my census."
(9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
(10) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and said, "Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?"
(By the way, the guy who wrote these 10 puns entered them in a contest. He figured with 10 entries, he couldn't lose. As they were reading the list of winners, he was really hoping one of his puns would win, but unfortunately, no pun in ten did.)
In honor of Squirrel Squad Squeeks
From the site : http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/snider-todd/beer-run-13882.html
(Best sung at the top of one's lungs)
Artist/Band: Snider Todd
Lyrics for Song: Beer Run
Lyrics for Album: Other Songs
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
all we need is a ten and five-er,
car and key and a sober driver,
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
a couple of frat guys from abilene
drove out all night to see Robert Earl Keen
at the K-pei swine and sworay dance-
they wore baseball caps and khaki pants-
they wanted cigarettes-so to save a little money-
they got one from this hippie who smelt kina funny
and-next thing they knew they were both pretty hungry-
and pretty thirsty tooo
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
B-double E double R U-N-beer ru-unn
all we need is a ten and five-er,
car and key and a sober driver,
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
found a store with a sign-said
there beer was coldest-so they sent
in Brad- cause he looked the oldest
-he got a case of beer and a candy bar
-walked over to where all them registers are
layed his fake id on the countertop
the clerk looked, he turned up, he looked he stopped.
he said "son, I'm not gonna call the cops, but im gonna
have to keep this card"-
the guys both took it pretty haard
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
B-double E double R U-N-beer ru-un
oh how happy we would be-
had we only brought a better fake id
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
they found this nother old hippie named
sleepie john-claimed to be the one from the Robert
Earl Keen song
so they gave him all their cash-he bought em some brew
-was a beautiful day out in Santa Cruz
they were feelin' so good it shoulda been a crime-
the crowd was cool and the band was prime
they made it back up front to their seats just in time
so they could sing with all their friends
they sang-"the rode goes on forever and the party
never eends"
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
all we need is a ten and a five-er car and
key and a sober driver
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
(Best sung at the top of one's lungs)
Artist/Band: Snider Todd
Lyrics for Song: Beer Run
Lyrics for Album: Other Songs
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
all we need is a ten and five-er,
car and key and a sober driver,
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
a couple of frat guys from abilene
drove out all night to see Robert Earl Keen
at the K-pei swine and sworay dance-
they wore baseball caps and khaki pants-
they wanted cigarettes-so to save a little money-
they got one from this hippie who smelt kina funny
and-next thing they knew they were both pretty hungry-
and pretty thirsty tooo
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
B-double E double R U-N-beer ru-unn
all we need is a ten and five-er,
car and key and a sober driver,
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
found a store with a sign-said
there beer was coldest-so they sent
in Brad- cause he looked the oldest
-he got a case of beer and a candy bar
-walked over to where all them registers are
layed his fake id on the countertop
the clerk looked, he turned up, he looked he stopped.
he said "son, I'm not gonna call the cops, but im gonna
have to keep this card"-
the guys both took it pretty haard
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
B-double E double R U-N-beer ru-un
oh how happy we would be-
had we only brought a better fake id
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
they found this nother old hippie named
sleepie john-claimed to be the one from the Robert
Earl Keen song
so they gave him all their cash-he bought em some brew
-was a beautiful day out in Santa Cruz
they were feelin' so good it shoulda been a crime-
the crowd was cool and the band was prime
they made it back up front to their seats just in time
so they could sing with all their friends
they sang-"the rode goes on forever and the party
never eends"
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
all we need is a ten and a five-er car and
key and a sober driver
B-double E double R U-N-beer run
Sunday, February 11, 2007
Anna Nicole Smith and Kim Nowak
I have to weigh in on the media frenzy surrounding these two women. I can't hold my tongue any longer, so, fair warning -- rant on the way.
I am very disappointed in the number of people who seem to take great pleasure in ridiculing these two women. The really disappointing part is that many of the people who are taking part in this are supposedly respectable people. I would have thought that part of respectability would have included compassion, but perhaps I should now go find the definition for "respectable", because I certainly don't see much evidence of compassion in the things I've read about Anna Nicole Smith and Kim Nowak (astronaut).
Naturally, their behavior has been less than exemplary, at least in the good sense. If anything, they both serve as cautionary tales for women for different reasons. Anna Nicole seemed to lack any kind of moral barometer; Ms. Nowak seemed to lack a sense of propriety.
My take on Anna Nicole is that she had the idea that she was worth no more than what she could parlay with her body. Yes, she was pretty, but that prettiness came with a heavy (no pun intended) price tag -- she had to maintain it. It's one thing when you're in your late teens to early twenties, but quite another when you're over 30 - 35 and not quite as lithe or juvenile-looking as you were a decade or so ago. She had a lot of help with her delusional self-image -- many men and probably more than a few women certainly gave her the idea that all she had to do was look & act pretty and the world would be her oyster. But then reality set in -- she gained weight. We all know that's the worst thing a woman can do if she wants to be considered pretty. (I certainly hope you pick up on the semi-sarcastic tone here.) The media and people in general took great pleasure in her becoming heavier, as though this was something she "deserved".
As a woman who has battled weight issues since childhood, I know what it's like to be discounted and overlooked based on the way my body looks. In my case, the biggest problem was probably that people at times grossly underestimated my intelligence and abilities. I always felt like an outsider, a geek, a person who was unworthy, and not as "good" as other girls. To this very day I still find myself feeling a little intimidated around new people, especially people I admire and want to like me, and most especially if they are "pretty" women. Make that, "normal" women. I admitted this the other day to a friend, and learned that she always felt out of place herself, but because people assumed that she was just another pretty face, a piece of meat. Flip sides of the same coin, don't you think? Now, I've come a long way toward self-acceptance, and, frankly, I've lost 30 lbs since October. Guess how I did that? By INCREASING the amount I eat daily. Apparently, I have been eating too few calories to even allow weight loss in the false belief that not eating much would lead to weight loss. It was metabolic testing at the hands of an Endocrinologist that began helping me unravel the complex diet/weight history I've acquired. If only I'd been educated long ago -- or maybe if only my parents had been educated long ago...I don't know. Bottom line, I have better info now and I'm putting it to good use. But enough about me....
Kim Nowak, on the other hand, seemed like a woman who had it "all". She was an astronaut who actually walked in space. She was a wife, a mother, and who knows what all else. But for some reason, that wasn't enough. She developed a love rivalry around another astronaut, and made the dangerous decision to try to eliminate her "rival". Clearly, she'd thought through her intentions, but definitely not the consequences. Why did this intelligent, accomplished, heroic woman feel it necessary to act in a manner best suited for a high school gym? Why wasn't it ENOUGH to be who she was already? Why did she feel it necessary to be MORE than Superwoman? Now all anyone can focus on about this amazing woman is the fact that she (ingeniously) wore a diaper on her cross-country drive to enable her to avoid as many stops as possible.
I saw where someone wrote that they wondered where Ms. Nowak's girlfriends were who could have told her not to follow through with her idiotic and very ill-conceived ideas about revenge. I think they were where Anna Nicole's friends were -- non-existent.
Here's what I'm sayin' -- what does it say about our society that these things happen, and then that people seem to delight in the misfortunes of those who CLEARLY HAVE EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS??? What don't we understand about compromised mental health, whether by the choice of taking/abusing substances or by just plain bad luck with brain chemistry? Does no one remember that both of these women left CHILDREN in their wake? What about them? What will they feel when they read the nasty snide things people say about their Moms??? They didn't get a choice in that, but they will pay the price for their mothers' mistakes for the rest of their lives. They can't escape it.
I guess I'm still aching from so many family deaths in this last year -- if we can make it till February 19 without another passing, then we can say we only lost 6 people in our family this year. Six people that are mourned, warts and all. Six people who meant something to me, to my family. I'm probably being overly-sensitive, but I just find myself sad for these women and their utter confusion about their worth.
And, I just think it's wrong to make fun of people, public figures or not. Anna Nicole Smith and Kim Nowak were real people with real families and friends and feelings, just like all of us. I just wish we could all have a little more compassion, a little more consideration, a little more walking in the shoes of the current laughing stock on the news. A wise man once said "That which you do to the least of these, you do to me..." Makes you think....
Peace,
Suzanne
I am very disappointed in the number of people who seem to take great pleasure in ridiculing these two women. The really disappointing part is that many of the people who are taking part in this are supposedly respectable people. I would have thought that part of respectability would have included compassion, but perhaps I should now go find the definition for "respectable", because I certainly don't see much evidence of compassion in the things I've read about Anna Nicole Smith and Kim Nowak (astronaut).
Naturally, their behavior has been less than exemplary, at least in the good sense. If anything, they both serve as cautionary tales for women for different reasons. Anna Nicole seemed to lack any kind of moral barometer; Ms. Nowak seemed to lack a sense of propriety.
My take on Anna Nicole is that she had the idea that she was worth no more than what she could parlay with her body. Yes, she was pretty, but that prettiness came with a heavy (no pun intended) price tag -- she had to maintain it. It's one thing when you're in your late teens to early twenties, but quite another when you're over 30 - 35 and not quite as lithe or juvenile-looking as you were a decade or so ago. She had a lot of help with her delusional self-image -- many men and probably more than a few women certainly gave her the idea that all she had to do was look & act pretty and the world would be her oyster. But then reality set in -- she gained weight. We all know that's the worst thing a woman can do if she wants to be considered pretty. (I certainly hope you pick up on the semi-sarcastic tone here.) The media and people in general took great pleasure in her becoming heavier, as though this was something she "deserved".
As a woman who has battled weight issues since childhood, I know what it's like to be discounted and overlooked based on the way my body looks. In my case, the biggest problem was probably that people at times grossly underestimated my intelligence and abilities. I always felt like an outsider, a geek, a person who was unworthy, and not as "good" as other girls. To this very day I still find myself feeling a little intimidated around new people, especially people I admire and want to like me, and most especially if they are "pretty" women. Make that, "normal" women. I admitted this the other day to a friend, and learned that she always felt out of place herself, but because people assumed that she was just another pretty face, a piece of meat. Flip sides of the same coin, don't you think? Now, I've come a long way toward self-acceptance, and, frankly, I've lost 30 lbs since October. Guess how I did that? By INCREASING the amount I eat daily. Apparently, I have been eating too few calories to even allow weight loss in the false belief that not eating much would lead to weight loss. It was metabolic testing at the hands of an Endocrinologist that began helping me unravel the complex diet/weight history I've acquired. If only I'd been educated long ago -- or maybe if only my parents had been educated long ago...I don't know. Bottom line, I have better info now and I'm putting it to good use. But enough about me....
Kim Nowak, on the other hand, seemed like a woman who had it "all". She was an astronaut who actually walked in space. She was a wife, a mother, and who knows what all else. But for some reason, that wasn't enough. She developed a love rivalry around another astronaut, and made the dangerous decision to try to eliminate her "rival". Clearly, she'd thought through her intentions, but definitely not the consequences. Why did this intelligent, accomplished, heroic woman feel it necessary to act in a manner best suited for a high school gym? Why wasn't it ENOUGH to be who she was already? Why did she feel it necessary to be MORE than Superwoman? Now all anyone can focus on about this amazing woman is the fact that she (ingeniously) wore a diaper on her cross-country drive to enable her to avoid as many stops as possible.
I saw where someone wrote that they wondered where Ms. Nowak's girlfriends were who could have told her not to follow through with her idiotic and very ill-conceived ideas about revenge. I think they were where Anna Nicole's friends were -- non-existent.
Here's what I'm sayin' -- what does it say about our society that these things happen, and then that people seem to delight in the misfortunes of those who CLEARLY HAVE EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS??? What don't we understand about compromised mental health, whether by the choice of taking/abusing substances or by just plain bad luck with brain chemistry? Does no one remember that both of these women left CHILDREN in their wake? What about them? What will they feel when they read the nasty snide things people say about their Moms??? They didn't get a choice in that, but they will pay the price for their mothers' mistakes for the rest of their lives. They can't escape it.
I guess I'm still aching from so many family deaths in this last year -- if we can make it till February 19 without another passing, then we can say we only lost 6 people in our family this year. Six people that are mourned, warts and all. Six people who meant something to me, to my family. I'm probably being overly-sensitive, but I just find myself sad for these women and their utter confusion about their worth.
And, I just think it's wrong to make fun of people, public figures or not. Anna Nicole Smith and Kim Nowak were real people with real families and friends and feelings, just like all of us. I just wish we could all have a little more compassion, a little more consideration, a little more walking in the shoes of the current laughing stock on the news. A wise man once said "That which you do to the least of these, you do to me..." Makes you think....
Peace,
Suzanne
Thursday, February 8, 2007
Definitions
The word of the day is CHRISTIAN. Recently, I've begun to ponder the ways in which that particular word is used sometimes more in reference to one's behavior or state of morality, so I wanted to see exactly what a widely accepted dictionary would have to say. Below are two entries that I found at Dictionary.com.Chris·tian 
[kris-chuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation
[kris-chuhn] Pronunciation Key - Show IPA Pronunciation –adjective
–noun
| 1. | of, pertaining to, or derived from Jesus Christ or His teachings: a Christian faith. |
| 2. | of, pertaining to, believing in, or belonging to the religion based on the teachings of Jesus Christ: Spain is a Christian country. |
| 3. | of or pertaining to Christians: many Christian deaths in the Crusades. |
| 4. | exhibiting a spirit proper to a follower of Jesus Christ; Christlike: She displayed true Christian charity. |
| 5. | decent; respectable: They gave him a good Christian burial. |
| 6. | human; not brutal; humane: Such behavior isn't Christian. |
| 7. | a person who believes in Jesus Christ; adherent of Christianity. |
| 8. | a person who exemplifies in his or her life the teachings of Christ: He died like a true Christian. |
| 9. | a member of any of certain Protestant churches, as the Disciples of Christ and the Plymouth Brethren. |
| 10. | the hero of Bunyan's Pilgrim's Progress. |
| 11. | a male given name. |
| Dictionary.com Unabridged (v 1.1) Based on the Random House Unabridged Dictionary, © Random House, Inc. 2006. |
(krĭs'chən) Pronunciation Key adj.
- Professing belief in Jesus as Christ or following the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.
- Relating to or derived from Jesus or Jesus's teachings.
- Manifesting the qualities or spirit of Jesus; Christlike.
- Relating to or characteristic of Christianity or its adherents.
- Showing a loving concern for others; humane.
n.
- One who professes belief in Jesus as Christ or follows the religion based on the life and teachings of Jesus.
- One who lives according to the teachings of Jesus.
This man, this pillar of our church, who cooked for everyone, who coordinated church-wide events ranging from a yearly auction to block parties in the parking lot to the annual Thanksgiving dinner available to one and all, so that no one had to be alone on holidays -- this man that I'm describing was Gay. He was also in a loving, completely committed relationship for nearly 20 years. His partner was and is equally as generous with his time and efforts with our church community, and I've learned that they were both also very active in their own neighborhood, caring for elderly neighbors as you might a beloved aunt or grandmother. My friend's greatest love was senior citizens, and, each quarter, he and all the helpers he could get would prepare a beautiful, elegant and very nutritious brunch, just for seniors. Some of these folks were unable to come to services often, due to various disabilities, but my friend made sure they had transportation to his brunch, so that they would be reminded that we loved them and hadn't forgotten them. I've only gotten to participate in the help for the brunch once, but I'm certainly going to be participating in the future events.
I say all of these things because some of his family members not only ostracized him from the family, but also condemned and criticized him, his partner, our church, and even the tone of his Life Celebration Service (his wishes were followed to not have anything morbid and to remember to celebrate life, not mourn death). These people, his family, call themselves Christians. They even mostly belong to the church of Christ.
Based on my experience of this beautiful man, my understanding of "Christian teachings", and now the specific definitions of what the word "Christian" means, I believe that my friend, the gay man, was the Christian, NOT those who claimed to be but yet had not one ounce of charity in their hearts.
I don't know if what I'm writing will mean anything to anyone else, but I had to say these things for myself. I loved my friend -- I love his partner -- and I am honored to have been, with my husband, the person called first after the minister was called. I'm honored to have spent from 6am Thursday morning until 8pm Saturday night, ministering to (not my term) a human being in the agony of loss. I consider myself exceptionally fortunate and blessed to be someone another can turn to for comfort. That, my friends, is the mark of a successful life.
Please remember to love one another as you love yourselves. And if that means you need to do a better job of loving yourself, well, DO IT. You can't help anyone else if you yourself are drained and struck to the bone with sorrow or fatigue or sickness. We all need each other -- in "real life" and here online. It was my online life and my online friends who got me through those first bleak months after I lost my husband. It was online, too, that I found my current beloved hubby. Love is love -- doesn't matter how it developed or whether it's romantic/platonic/paternal/maternal, etc. John Lennon said "Love is all we need", and I think he had it right.
Peace, and, in case I haven't told you -- I love you! You blogfriends out there -- yes, Y'ALL!!! I LOVE YOU ALL, and am so grateful to count you among my REAL friends.
Suzanne
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